I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
