While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize