When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
