Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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