Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
