Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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