threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
