I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize