Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
