Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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