Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
