Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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