She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
