Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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