I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
