There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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