I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
