Just fell off a train. Bad.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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