I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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