You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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