Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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