Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
