SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
