Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
