Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
