and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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