im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize