I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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