It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
