I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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