make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I lost the right to judge tonight
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
