so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
