Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
