your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
