come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
