the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
