I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
