My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
