Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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