someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
