I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We were destined to go to rehab together
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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