Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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