I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
