guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
