I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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