i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
