I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she woke up with a sticky ear
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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