JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
