There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
