There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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