YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
