i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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