Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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