from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
