The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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