Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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