thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize