i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
