i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
