The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
