the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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