I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
