This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
