like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
