you guys were way drunker than both of me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
